In through the hallway, staring at picture of you & me, on the internet Suzanne feeds you oranges, by the sea What's a man to do? But once you go to kiss her, you realize she's never there & once you're finished kissin' nothing, you realize she's always there & then you turn around, to see you're kissin' air Sometimes, when I walk around the room I wish I was in your room instead I can't believe this is my place I'm all alone God damn, this is my place I wish it was your room instead, but I'm all alone Measuring the square-footage with my own two feet & when I make my bed, I wish it was your bed instead I can tuck you in while you're sleeping all day, & we'll make your bed together, but you'll do the sleeping, & I'll do the making as we live together, on our own terms 'cause we made a mutual agreement to sleep together in the same place! Mutual agreement, to live together, to live together to live together Four corners in this room, but there's just me & just one you, & a coffee table or two Two pillows! One sheet, one bed, two heads But I'll sleep on the couch if I have to if I mess up, in a big way & I'll know my place, which is the couch on some certain nights when I say the wrong thing If we had a doghouse, I'd sleep out there but we only have an apartment with no yard to keep a doghouse so I'll sleep on the couch But then in the morning when you love me again I'll cook you eggs & that night we'll sleep in one bed

My friend is a trumpet I think my friend's a trumpet My best friend's a trumpet He's not a trumpet to me My best friend's a trumpet, all day long! Then I show them my trumpet Especially when he trumpets Mike Pence plays the trumpet (wrong!) I think I just played the trumpet It's time to play the trumpet I play, all day, this thing This is how I play the trumpet It's a trumpet I wish I could play the trumpet It's a trumpet! I play, play, play I blow, blow, blow This dumb thing has got to go Heaven is just a trumpet I think I become the trumpet One, two step, the trumpet Three, four, five, a trumpet Hell is just a trumpet Six, seven, eight, a trumpet

I eat a whole ear of corn in the cornfield, all day long! I eat a whole ear of corn in the cornfield, all week long! In the cornfield I eat a whole ear of corn in the cornfield, all month long, in the cornfield I eat a whole ear of corn in the cornfield, all week long, all month long, in the cornfield Corn on the cob! Corn on the cob! Corn on the cob! Corn on the cob! Just a little bit of corn on the cob Corn on the cob, corn on the cob Corn on the co- (oh, you got a fuckin' better idea?) Corn on the cob, corn on the cob all week long, corn on the cob all month long My life's a cob. Corn on the cob in the cornfield, corn on the cob in the cornfield Corn on the cob in the cornfield, corn on the cob in the cornfield

Bong, my name is Donald Bong My name is Donald Bong My name is Donald Bong One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty-four, twenty-five, twenty-six, twenty-seven, twenty-eight, twenty-nine, thirty, thirty-one! (It's the age of the Earth) La, la, la, la la La, la, la, la la My name is Donald Bong & the world is not okay I want to pack my bags & move out to space & when I look at you, I know just what to do I want to hug & kiss, & do the things that adults do!

Woah nelly! One, two, one, two, three, four I'm going down to the river & of course, it smells like shit Good lord the river smells just like shit Packed up my bags (bye bye!) & I headed for the famous riverbank Just had to see for myself just why the river stank Birds hum, yet the river stank The birds hummed, yet the river stank The birds hummed, & the river stank Oh lord, yes the river stank The river, it smells like shit The river, oh lord, yes it smells like shit The river, oh my god it smells like shit My god it smells like shit I won't remember the bayou This one-train town stinks "But still I wonder, should I wonder, Why does the river stink?" Well, it took a long time for me to see, that the river, it stank because of me I'm trying to loosen my load, but dear god the river stinks (pee-yew!) (pee-yew!) Well, it took a long time for me to see, that the river stank because of me, because of me The river stank because of me It took a long time for me to see, that the river stank because of me, oh lord Please forgive me, lord, I stink The river, I stink, I stink I stink like the river, I swam in the water & the river stinks, oh lord Good god the river stinks oh lord, yes, the riverbank stinks, & the water stinks, & I assume the fish stink inside the river water.

Ha, ha Clap your hands, now poop Clap your hands, now poop (He's coming, the boss is lookin' for me at the job) Clap your hands, now poop, now poop, now poop Yeah poop, do a poop now Flush that shit down, now clap your hands (He's pooping, on the job, fifty minutes extra on the john) Clap your hands, now take a poop Three, two, one! Pinch it off! Keep it clean! Limit your flushes, try to think green (oh shit) Staring back at you from the toilet bowl, what's a boy to do when he's staring at his own shit in the bathroom? You clap your hands, & then poop You clap your hands, & then poop You clap your hands, & then ... poop

We're all a part of the same turd, pinched off long ago, violently unheard My stool's pretty tough, & these over-the-counter- the pills just weren't enough I got damn one turd that I just can't buff I thank god that the world is a piece of shit, that I somehow won't have to pinch off until I think of it (Which is every moment of every day, & that's really not okay, this- over-the-counter pill of our current administration) Smoke on the water, it's kinda hot in here

I like the Fast & Furious movies They make me laugh & they make me smile, & I can watch them for a really long while I watch them all in a row all the time & if you don't believe me, then listen to this rhyme Vin Diesel... (Once upon a time, in the summertime, we went on a date to the movies, but the movie wasn't playing What we wanted to see wasn't playing in the theater) I like mainstream movies a lot, much better than this Indie stupid plot (So we went home & put on a-) Dwyane the Rock Johnson, Dwyane the Rock Johnson, He's my man, his name is Dwyane, the Rock Johnson Can you smell what the man is-? (-on a DVD, DVD, DVD) He is so big & handsome, he is so muscular, He's gonna be in the new Baywatch movie (What we wanted to see wasn't playing in the movie theater, so we went home & put on a DVD) Vin Diesel! Vin Diesel! Vin Diesel! The Rock is gonna be in Baywatch, with Zac Effron (We put on a DVD of Blade 3: Trinity! DVD! Trinity! DVD! Trinity! Blade 3: Trinity!) [Swipe right] (What we wanted to see wasn't playing in the movie theater) Swipe left, swipe right, swipe up, swipe down, Swipe all around Yesterday I went & saw The Smurfs: The Lost Village in 3D That movie is so fuckin' funny to me I think Justin Timberlake's in that I think he voices one of the Smurfs! It's such a good wholesome family film, it only got a 46 on Rotten Tomatoes, but that doesn't matter! It's a really good movie. Film. Movie. Film. Swipe right.

Well every damn day, I'm going to the store to pick up some milk, & stuff to make some s'mores & then I go home because I'm really bored I get really annoyed when my roommate snores I gotta get some headphones to block it out because it's really loud, it shakes the walls (& that's how we got a noise complaint from our neighbors) I got two in the pocket, twenty-five in the bank Gotta drive to the store on an empty tank All my friends keep spamming, these memes are dank Fire up the game, play some Halo, Ranked! Uh, all day, Every damn day But uh, if you wanna, watch a movie or something, we could go to the theater around the corner, it's a pretty cool place Gonna see some movies! Gonna get some popcorn! Gonna get some video games, wait- you don't get those at the movies but we can go to the store, down the street from the movies if you want to, you don't have to Well every damn day, I'm playing all my games driving the people beneath me insane because my subwoofer, they say it's all the rage Every time I use it it makes my floor shake, like a, like a, like an earthquake All those 4Ks, I make minimum wage, I make minimum wage, but maybe one day I won't have to anymore Ice cream & fish! Ice cream & fish! Has anyone seen my luggage though? Every damn day when I'm walking the streets with new shoes on my feet & the bicycle seats I feel so elite (I got this bike from Walmart, so-) It's over, go apply at Culver's, Culver's Ice cream & fish! Ice cream & fish! You know? I'm a gingerbread man, cop can't catch me, 'cause I- I ride a Schwinn

Let's roll on this... Speak to me differently, Speak to me like the way you know, Come on now, come on down, we're gonna do it - all night long Gimme more of that sweet, sweet love Gimme some of that little bit of love, Gimme some of that little bit of love, Gimme some of that little bit of love, Thank you No? We're gonna go again? What was the line? (All night long.)

200 baby Godzillas, hatching in NYC Somebody call the troops & tell 'em to carpet bomb MSG! Untold was the pain Sittin' at the movie theater, watching Jurassic World War 3 Flyin' around in my helicopter, a pterodactyl impales me! Untold was the pain Look at me, my name's Fred Flinstone, ridin' 'round my stone machine, gettin' locked out of my new hut - WILMA!!! Untold was the pain Hello my name is Littlefoot, I'm a little baby longneck Goin' on adventures with my new friends, a pterodactyl impales me! Untold was the pain

All around the room, All around the room, Your eyes make me sick, All around the room, When I go outside, what shape are the clouds? All around the room Walking around, yeah, lookin' for a friendly face Hell, all around the room I smell something weird, is it cooking? Or is it just, all around the room? No, turns out, That as I screamed I counted, I cannot scream, I cannot shout tonight The room, the room I see you, in my room I take this room four corners at a time, in my mind Opposite corners of this room in my mind There aren't enough pills to blow me away, in my mind I scream from the inside of my mind It stinks! From the inside, of my mind The room, the room I see you, in my room All around the room

It's early in the morning, & I'm waking up to take a shower Boxes ever, in the corner, in my hair, I don't have any options, 'cause I gotta make money I'm stacking candy Stacking candy I'm driving to my next store, driving to my next store, driving to my next store Stacking candy, stacking candy Stackin' candy This is my last store There is no more... stacking candy (stacking candy) Sweet dreams are made of these Who am I to sell candy? @%#* your candy! Eff your candy! Eff your candy! Fuck your candy!

Is there anybody out there? Who is at my door? I'm-a-lookin' through the window I pinch open the blinds & through that little opening I see the Earth swallow the sky Is there anybody out there? I am just a boy Just-a-lookin' through the window My hands felt like two balloons Is there anyone who sees me? For I am just a boy, scoob-a-roop-doop-doo (yes) I will fly into the sky above & then into the sun! Is there anybody out there? For I am just a boy

I can't wait to go outside Sit on down in the high tide Let it carry me away Grab a floatie for the day Grab a coconut Yeah, fill it with the juice I sip it away! Get a tan, and buy boat shoes I can't wait to ride my board Go online and buy a sword I don't know what to do I don't know who I am I don't know what I am I don't know, what's the world? Ding dong, I hate this song Ding dong, no one sings along Sitting on down and writing my song Climbing a tree and having fun Man this is what it's all about, I guess Tim Kaine's never gonna sing this song Mike Pence refuses to sing this song No one sings along when you're Donald Bong Bing bong, I hate this song No one sings along

A, B, C, A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H I, J, K, LMNO, P,Q, R,S, T, U, view, um - A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H I, J, K, LMNO, P,Q, R,S, T, U, V, W, X, Y & Z Now I know my ABCs, next time won't you sing with - ME!

My hat's the only one in the world, my hat, it is unique My hat, it is a one of a kind No! Don't you fuck with (my hat) When I'm wearing (my hat) I think this is (my hat) This is my hat! My hat's the only one in the world, my hat, it is unique My hat's only one of a kind Please, no Don't you fuck with (my hat) When I'm wearing (my hat) I think this is (my hat) This is my hat! My hat's the only one in the world, my hat, it is unique My hat, it is one of a kind! Don't you fuck with! When I'm wearing! I think this is! This is my hat!

Imagine all the people, living life this way You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one Come on, come on! Let's go! Life was created at the beginning of time

Once upon a time, in the summertime Once upon a time, in the summertime, hey once upon a time in the summer time, oh I was searching for the sunshine, oh Sometime, someday Someday in the summertime Sometime in the summertime Springtime NO! Summertime YEAH! Wintertime NO! Springtime NO! Autumntime NO! Summertime OH! Summerday, summerday whatcha gonnna do? Summerday, summerday whatcha gonnna say? Summerday in the summertime --- Rollin' a big joint for Jesus Rollin' a big joint for Jesus Christ

- imagine you in a lot of pain yeah I like the dark stuff too, the color black is kind of cool I'll wear spikey stuff if you talk to me Oh hey baby, can't you see? Hey you, Dark Queen have you seen my itty bitty peen? It's kind of small but it's really cool-

Well- we're all alive in Donald Bong's funky, funky world. I- finally figured it out, staring in the darkness of my small coffee cup that I got from McDonald's McCafe. Oh - somebody wants you to go dancing with them on the moon, or somebody wants you to pass away - alone on the beach, 'cause you're better off dead, or so that's at least what they say McDonald's has the best coffee or so at least that's what they say And - I ... wandered in to the middle of a parade that was just one balloon. I took it by the string & suddenly I was - free! In the funky new world.